I ____ you. You have (a) nice _________ You make my/me_______ You are a _________ You should _______ Someday I will ______ You + me = ________ If I saw you on the street I’d __________ I want to ________ you I would build a _______ just for you If I could sing you any song it would be _________. We should __________ under the stars My favorite thing about you is your _____
Go for it. :)
it will make me happy (:
haha I never post these things, so you should fill this one thing out for me, pleeease:) Don’t even have to be serious you can make it as random as you can possibly fathom!
Tomorrow morning my dad and my younger siblings are driving out of state to see my grandparents for thanksgiving. Due to such short notice, my older brother and I having jobs and having to work, and also our not wanting to leave mom alone, my family for the first time is spending a big holiday completely in two. :/ It’s weird telling guests at work who ask what I’m doing for thanksgiving, but then again how are they to know it’s not like this every year?
My cell phone doesn’t want to send my texts. But, contrary to how it may seem, I am actually happy right now. How? I don’t even know. Higher powers are at work, as always. I can’t wait to curl up in my bed and go to sleep:)
And I LOVE being able to drive myself places and getting to drive myself to work and be indepentant that way. Buuut the car I have to drive I never really parked in much before and I’m not used to how long the hood is and I’m scared to death I’ll hit a car when I’m parking
So long story, read if you want, if you want to feel something I’m sure this will make you feel something, anything in some way. I’ll start at the top.
My parents are getting a divorce. They announced it about a month and a half ago. My dad is the one who wanted it, my mom was completely surprised as were all my siblings. I read into things and pick up on things pretty well so I had a feeling something like it would happen, but it still hurt(s) like hell to think about. They were together 22 years. Never once fought in front of us kids, or even loud enough from other rooms for us to hear. On top of that all, my mom said she is moving to Idaho. We currently live in Arizona. So, that’s a 3 day drive right there. Not only that, she’s taking my two younger siblings with her do to reasons I don’t want to say here because the whole world can see. My older brother and I have the choice to move, or stay.
Since April I have been going to this youth group. Honestly I went once, and I’ve had such awful experiances in churches, even though I have strong Christian beliefes, and I thought no way. It seemed so fake. I was to scarred by all the other horrible places that I had been. My family went to about 6 different churches in the span of my life and every one was so horrid after so long and the last one we left completely screwed my whole family up and took away all our friends when we left. Everyone stopped talking to us. My friend of 14 years stopped talking to me. My supposed best friend forever who was supposed to sing really horribly on purpose at my wedding. All the churchs were messed up, controlling, totally judgmental and just places that hurt, not loved. So I went to this youth group carrying my hurt from the last church and laughed and said no way. Then I started talking to this really great kid Calvin who is best friend’s with my then best friend Zeke (another story for another day). Zeke is the one who initially brought me to that youth group. I didn’t go back and like 3 weeks later I met Calvin and went and took pictures of him and he asked if I was going to youth that thursday or not and I wanted to hang out with him more so of course I said yes. After a few more weeks of going just for him I realized that everything I was seeing was real. Nobody was actually being fake. As soon as I realized that I couldn’t care less if Zeke or Calvin went, I had to go. There was so much genuine love there. The youth pastor is named Jodi, and she’s been doing the youth group for 10 whole years now. She really cares about every kid there.
This kid who was bad news all over who I made the awful mistake of going out with, regretfully was invited to go by Zeke. He only went because he had not gotten over me, and he lives to make me so jealous, not even kidding. But the first night he was there was teh first night I realized what Jodi was really about. We were all dispersed through the room, lights dimmed, music playing talking to God. And Jodi called on this kid who she’d barely even spoked three words too and she just started saying all this stuff I knew was happening in his heart and in his life and she was giving him answers to his struggles. It was then when I really realized just how blessed and on fire this lady really, truly is. She always calls on kids while we’re doing worship time and just calls them over when they don’t expect it and prays for them in the mic so we all can hear and every time she is spot on and she really hits the spot for everyone. I always wished she would do that for me, always. But I was never laid on her heart at those times.
With my lifes recent happenings, I feel so utterly broken. I will admit I am closer to God now more than ever, I want to not take a single step he doesn’t want me too. Call me crazy, I still love you. I’ve really been leaning on him. But I’ve been so lost and confused as to wether or not I am meant to stay here, or move away with my mother. I thought I was told one thing, but then I began to question myself and what I was supposed to say and it’s been dragging me down and eatting me up inside. I’ve told Jodi before about this and she’s given me great advice and wisdom but I still had a great deal of inner turmoil.
Tonight at youth there was a lot of stuff distracting me and keeping my attention. Something very important happened and I had to talk to my mom throughout the beginning, since I was already texting her I was texting Calvin, and then my boss called to ice the cake. Mom got things taken care of though, and then I just ignored my phone, and listened to Jodi. She was talking about her life, and how she lived for her friends. If she couldn’t see her friends for awhile it would kill her inside and she’d get depressed and sad. Something that is very prominant in my life. Then she had to move out of state, and a lot of stuff happened to her there that just made her want to give up and she hated her life. But she went to her church service like she always did, (typically though nothin hit her or stuck she wasn’t paying attention) and this girl her age got on stage and called people she didn’t even know, and told them a bunch of stuff that happened to them when they were kids, but how God was using that to help them and what he had in store for them. Grown, burly men were dropping to their knees. And Jodi heard God saying “That should be you up there Jodi, you need to pull yourself together”. And the next day she went to youth for the first time and at youth group they talked about really living for Christ. And while she had grown up in teh church and was even teh pastors kid, she still was moved enough to go once again redevout her life to Christ and follow him and how God told her that even though he moved her to a town where she knew nobody, and right off the bat the kids at her new school spread rumors about her and everybody shunned her and made fun of her, that her life had a purpose and meaning and that it was her calling to lead people and be there for them and she listened, and she got friends right after, she whipped her life up and became so fueled she became a youth leader. She told us about how she had learned that she could live without other people’s approval and constantly being with us. She told us stories about people who felt so led by God that they stood up and did what they felt led to do and ended up saving lives. She called on kids and told them things that God had in store for them and they sat in shock and awe and gave them reasons not to give up. I felt a fire in me. Literally, my chest felt like it was on fire and my eyes were 2x as big as normal and I was trying not to cry I felt so spoken too. I knew I had a reason to be there, and I knew that there’s a reason I’m alive. I prayed she’d call on me then but she didn’t. She said how when she was little, she was molested. And I almost cried even more because it was one more thing that lined up with my life and something that I’ve only told a few people about but I wrote it anonymously here. She said how all this bad stuff happens to us, but it makes us so strong and it makes us strong enough to overcome anything that comes at us. When she said that though I knew for certain when we did worship time I needed to have Jodi pray for me.
I didn’t know what for, but I knew it needed to happen. I went off on my own like always and prayed. Then I went up to the front and sat down until Jodi stood up and started walking back and forth praying. I walked up to her and told asked if she’d pray for me. I told her I didn’t know what for exactly, but I knew God wanted her too. She said it was perfect timing because she was just about to call me to the front so that she could. She talked a little bit to everyone, about what was going on in all of their hearts and then prayed for me and told me what God was telling her to tell me. And he said that the next two months will be hard, and I immediately started crying because it was so true. She said that I needed to stop worrying about making the right decision, and focus on building my faith and working on the things I need to fix in my life now, and that if I do that, than in the end it will all end up the way I want it too, I just need to stop worrying, and hunker down and really pay attention to God now and it will all work out in the end. She told me that in the next two months I will grow a lot, and become stronger, and braver, and in ways I can’t imagine. She said more but that’s all that I remember, it was so much to take in I was in tears. I gave her a huge hug and went to find my sister but this really sweet girl who I hugged last week when she was crying and prayed for ran over and gave me a huge hug until my nose nearly dripped all over her. I went to get the tissues and a sweet kid patted my back and the kids there are really kind and loving and compasionate, they all really care about everyone more than I even thought at first. It was so many answers to prayers and I am so genuinly happy right now I still have this excited happy feeling not only mentally but in my chest as well, my heart literally feels like its beating stronger, I can’t explain it another way.
If you read this, thank you. If it made you feel, I’m glad. If you want to ask me questions, my ask box is always there and I will answer ANYTHING. If this was to sappy religious for you and you unfollow me, I’m sorry you see it that way. I really am the last one to judge, I truly love everyone and anyone regardless of their opinions and I hate trying to force my religious views on others. My closest friends are mostly Agnostic or Athiests, ask them.
Last but not least thank you to all my followers who have stuck with me through this really hard period of my life when some days all I can offer is my apathetic views on my life. <3